where the babymommas at?

Dear Abby (Internet, that's you),

If someone had told me that at the ripe old age of 26 I'd be married, with a baby, and friendless, I would have laughed and then cried, and then punched them in the face. Seriously, ladies, do I need to move to Utah or something? Where all the babymommas at? I have joined moms' groups, I've participated in the (mind-boggling) forums, I've showed up to the socials, even loitered at the park hoping some friendly gal would come by and we'd share breastfeeding advice as we pushed our tots in the bucket swings. Ha! How I wish. You think finding a mate is hard? These playdates I've been going to are like speed-dating with Stepford wives and the PTA women from Weeds. Let me paint you a picture as to why I have no "mommy" friends:

1) I live in Marin County, one of the most affluent areas in the world. Women here are career and income focused, waiting til 30-35 to have a baby, and then returning after a brief 3-month maternity leave. 

2) My Lovah and I are eight years apart. That means I have friends who are only just now getting engaged, while his are established at home with a few already older children. 

3) Our baby is the first grandchild on my family's side (in the area, at least), while Lovah's sister has a 10-month-old, but they live in Scotland. 

4) My pre-baby friends are still living the sweet life in their 20s. When I bring my babe to one of our Sex and the City morning coffee catch-ups, they are nursing a hangover while I'm...nursing. They have all sorts of questions about the delivery, stretch marks and milk boobs, and "wait, you can't drink anymore?" I love them to death but they don't understand.

5) Because of reason #1, the women don't nurse but use nannies/night nurses/random strangers (kidding. kind of) to do the heavy lifting and allow the moms to be able to return to work. They also have mansions, top-of-the-line baby gear, private tutors for Chinese and the piano (Ivy League training starts early), and are generally uber-neurotic, don't-touch-that-dirt! mothers. 

These are mere observations and my bitterness might make me over-exaggerate a tad. But basically, I feel like Juno when I show up to my playdates. While they discuss their real estate investments and their husbands' jobs in the stock market, I'm gorging on the (deserted) spread of catered food, laughing at the explosive diarrhea sounds coming from my baby's diaper, and explaining the injustice behind Siobhan Magnus' elimination from American Idol. On top of age, I have nothing in common with these ladies. What gives? Do I need to get everyone wasted and pull out Twister? There has to be one normal person who wants to be my friend!

Has anyone else had this experience? What do I do?

Sincerely,

Friendless in San Fran

Comments

[Ginny]

yuk! wish I was there- we could grab coffee... although I'm not a mother, I understand... when I first moved to Chicago, I dealt with being in school and a long distance relationship, which made my priorities different than most other law students... I've found friends through foodie groups and yoga class... similar interest sort of things... i hope things get better! :)

[Jill]

I'm your friend :) Can we do a play date with my niece one of these days? - her poop face is priceless.

[lisa]

I'm not a mom, but I feel for you! I had a friend in the same boat as you a couple of years ago and she said it was hard. She dealt with moving to SF and having her 1st baby. Things will get better, hang in there! =)

[Miel Abeille]

If someone told me I would be 33, single, childless, and friendless I would've laughed until I pee-ed myself. Sometimes, life throws us curve balls. I feel like I'm in the middle of some warped game of dodge ball. Don't let me get me!

[Ashley]

I was there with you just a few months ago. I was 28, married, baby, and friendless. When you are the first of your friends to have a baby it is lonely! The only moms groups I could find were meeting at McDonalds for "good food and great play place" (ya, not for me!) We recently moved and I thought it would get better, and it has a little, but really it is still kinda lonely. No one talks about that part. I thought I would get instant friends having a baby. Not yet... As my little one gets older, he plays more so we are meeting more moms and babes. Hang in there.

[Katrina]

I don't even have a kid yet, and I already feel like that. I feel your pain. Good luck.

[Deelish Dish]

Everyone - Thank you! Who knew pouring my heart out would get this kind of response. So glad to know I'm not the only one out there. Making friends as an adult, and parent, is HARD. No one warned me of this. Thanks for the support!

[saskatch]

And this is why nana had five kids... Create your own friends!! errr. Or, you could be like me and hire interns to do the job. "I'm gonna need you to file that, then meet me at El Paseo for a margarita, STAT!"

[Anotheroneopens]

Popped in and read your sad email! It reminded me of when I moved to Wales with a 5 month old to to discover they actually did speak Welsh! Then baby developed asthma wrongly diagnosed as whooping cough so we were banned from all the mother and toddler groups. Tried to teach an evening class- had to speak Welsh to be considered. Kept sane by the arrival of an Australian mum with a baby the same age- still a friend to this day- and letters from your wonderful MIL. Remember-no internet, Skype, mobile phones etc. Believe it or not I was devastated when we left Wales two years later. Everything worked out then we left!

[Haley W.]

I'm not a mom, but there are Mommy Bloggers everywhere! I bet there are some pretty normal gals in your area. There's a group calle BlogHer, which is basically a network of women who blog. You might sign up and see if you can mt people that way.